This quote from "Grey's Anatomy" sums up what grief is all about...
Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.
And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.
By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.
Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.
The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
And let it go when we can.
The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.
And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.
the denial was knowing Tika was slipping away these past weeks... yet... I kept believing she was just getting older and slowing down...
there wasn't any anger... she lived a good long life... I'm grateful I was there when she tried to get up and her legs were slipping under her... I was able to gently lay her on the floor... I held her and she looked up at me and was still wagging her tail... she could have gone then, she was saying goodbye to me... but I asked her not to...
the bargaining was... please don't leave me this moment...she rallied and got up... she was able to go for a final car ride to the vet... where we found out that the cancer was widespread throughout her... She wasn't in pain... just very tired... I held her and I felt the power of her spirit go through me before she left...
now... there is depression... the emptiness... the unbearable pain of loss... the finality of her life...
Acceptance is the hardest part... all life is transient... nothing is forever... the moments we have right now are all we have... I try to live that way... I cherished every moment of the time Tika and I shared the road... her love and affection brought so much joy and happiness into my life. No matter what... she was always there for me... and I was there for her.