Awake.In:::DreamSpace:::

breathe.live.be

I'm on a new path of possibilities.  The old road I was walking was full of sadness and depression...  I want to change...  I seek fullfillment and joy within a simple life.  I don't have answers, I don't have a plan... and since each individual is unique... I'm going to make it all up as I go. 

No plan = Brilliant Plan!

I have managed to stay off FB. So far, so good.  Keep that distraction away.

I took Koda to the Cedar Creek Park Dog Run this morning.  I used to take Tika there many, many years ago when she was a puppy.  All this crisp and cold weather has Koda all frisky and energetic.  Simple dog walks are just not enough.  Today she played and ran with a bunch of other doggies.  When I left for work, I'm sure she was sound asleep in her crate before I got in the car.  A tired doggie is a happy doggie!

I'm all signed up for the New Year's Meditation Workshop at Breathe and Flow Yoga in Freeport on Saturday, Jan. 8th from 1-3pm and will be taking my first Yoga class on Friday... Restorative Yoga.  My thoughts are, for thousands of years people have been meditating and practicing yoga... It's lasted this long, there must be something to it... Time to try it out. 

I created a little philosophy for myself... breathe.live.be

More on that later as I explore this new path...

grief...

This quote from "Grey's Anatomy" sums up what grief is all about...

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.

It isn't just death we have to grieve. It's life. It's loss. It's change.

And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive.

By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.

Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.

So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.

The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.

The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.

And let it go when we can.

The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again.

And always, every time, it takes your breath away.

There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.

Denial.
Anger.
Bargaining.
Depression.
Acceptance.

For me...

the denial was knowing Tika was slipping away these past weeks... yet... I kept believing she was just getting older and slowing down...

there wasn't any anger... she lived a good long life... I'm grateful I was there when she tried to get up and her legs were slipping under her... I was able to gently lay her on the floor... I held her and she looked up at me and was still wagging her tail... she could have gone then, she was saying goodbye to me... but I asked her not to...

the bargaining was... please don't leave me this moment...she rallied and got up... she was able to go for a final car ride to the vet... where we found out that the cancer was widespread throughout her... She wasn't in pain... just very tired... I held her and I felt the power of her spirit go through me before she left...

now... there is depression... the emptiness... the unbearable pain of loss... the finality of her life...

Acceptance is the hardest part... all life is transient... nothing is forever... the moments we have right now are all we have... I try to live that way... I cherished every moment of the time Tika and I shared the road... her love and affection brought so much joy and happiness into my life.  No matter what... she was always there for me... and I was there for her.

Tika, 1997-2010

My heart is broken...I will miss you everyday till we meet again at Rainbow Bridge...

i feel like i'm in a snow globe... can the universe please stop shaking it?

Woke up a half hour ago... Oh my... the storm is still in full swing out here... The snow is swirling and stacked out there.  Looks like it didn't stop all night... The tulips in the vase on the coffee table with the snow covered patio view from the sliding glass doors outside as a backdrop is an interesting juxtaposition of Seasonal Ying and Yang.

Tika is presently curled up on the couch and has no interest in venturing outside... she insisted on a walk last night when I got home from work... Tika was prancing and braving the storm all bundled up in her coat... BTW... it was a quick walk!

Well, the universe can continue shaking the snow globe... I'm off today... I'm happy to enjoy a snowbound day while just being on my couch.  I'm sure Tika will get adventurous shortly and well, the patio will need to be shoveled... hmm... coffee... yes, coffee first...

Tika

Tika is our super cool Greyhound Mix dog. She is going to be 11 this September and still runs like a puppy...here she is taking a nap on a lazy Sunday. Greyhounds are 30mph couch potatoes! They love to run but know how to chill out. This is the picutre that pops up on my iPhone when I get a call from my home number :)